Day 4 - Death

Wow what a topic I chose for today.

I react very oddly to death. If you knew me in real life, you would realize I'm a huge cry baby about absolutely everything. I do not think I have ever truly cried over someone dying. I cry over people dying in movies but not when someone I actually know dies. I cried for 2 days when a friend of mine attempted suicide and it didn't even work, but if it had worked I probably wouldn't have cried at all. Obviously I am still sad but the whole crying thing just doesn't really happen. I guess because death is so final that there's nothing I can do about it. Whereas other stuff I cry about I still have to deal with in every day life. Like, "Suzie killed herself" is much more final than "Suzie tried to kill herself." (My friend's name is not Suzie, I just picked a fake name to protect identity and such.)

This past year I have had three friends of mine pass on. They weren't all current friends, but they certainly were part of my life and mattered to me. One wasn't really a surprise because he had a terminal illness, although he was the youngest. Wow, I don't mean to discredit his death by saying it wasn't a surprise. See what I mean? I am retarded about this aspect of life. ("Life's not fair, and neither is death, but that's life!" - Mr. Belding) I don't know, I think something is wrong with me for just being like "oh, okay" but that's just how I am and I wish I knew how to, like, grieve properly.

Rest in Peace - TB, SS, RE